I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
