Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
