just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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