She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
home. puking in laundry basket.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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