I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
