Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
