please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
