I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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