no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
