we have officially lost it.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
