what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
