We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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