my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
