She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
