Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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