i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
what day is it and did you see me today?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
