I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
