Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
