If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
