why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
