u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
