god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
