These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
