I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
