I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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