Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
