they need to just BURY HIM!
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
