Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
