I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
