I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
