Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
