doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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