gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
