I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
