You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Girls should come with a carfax report
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
