I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
