This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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