My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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