Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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