So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
