Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i think i have two assholes
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
