Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
