I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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