Me. At least after what I've been through.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
