He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i wish my penis had a tongue
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
