Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
