If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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