I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
