remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
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