Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
