when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
