one two three fourrrrnication!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
