Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
