Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Drunk is not a location!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
