So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
