Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
