They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
