you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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