one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
