so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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