I seem to have left my pride at pride
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
