She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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