I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
