does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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