giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
